“Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded.”
Because it brings us back to a time when hairstyles had no limitations.
Also, what’s up, choker necklace.
When the one-strap backpack look was considered cool.
If you didn’t do this, don’t even talk to me.
And when everyone high-fived each other.
Whether it was to acknowledge an outstanding “LOSERsneeze.”
Or because you just told a guy to “malignant THIS” whilst grabbing your junk.
What a sick burn that was.
Because the soundtrack is great.
And makes you want to jump up on your bed and start dancing.
Or roll around on the floor and play the guitar.
Because the sexual undertones were plentiful.
Sparky Motherfucking Polastri.
And actually kind of raunchy.
I mean, just look at how she washes this car antenna.
And how erotic this stretching scene is.
(Look at the background.)
And this is most definitely a lap dance.
(OK, she’s not technically in his lap, but you get the idea.)
But when you really strip it down, you realize it’s actually full of great life lessons.
Like if you want something, you have to take it.
And that sometimes you just have to do it yourself.
Because it’s not about luck.
Or a curse.
It’s about hard work.
Shout out to the training montage!
And owning the moment.
And when that moment comes, you better bring it.
But it also taught us that it’s OK to be different.
And that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.
Because when everyone’s doing the same thing…
…something different is usually the way to go.
Plus it taught us what a “Wolf Wall” is.
It is apparently this.
And that an adult-sized swing set is real.
And still on my list of things I need.
But more importantly, it introduced us to “spirit fingers.”
Daytime talk show host Pauletta.
Cliff Pantone, the thinking man’s rocker.
And dat ass.
And if you don’t agree with me, I don’t care.